


Love Hurts But Loss Is Worse

by gayngel_the_loser



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Alternate Universe - Not Related, Asexual Pidge | Katie Holt, F/F, F/M, High School, I'm Sorry, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Suicide Notes, Triggers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-03
Updated: 2017-04-02
Packaged: 2018-10-14 07:03:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,085
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10531356
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gayngel_the_loser/pseuds/gayngel_the_loser
Summary: Some people would describe Lance using words like popular, flirty, and confident. Keith chose to use words like loud, melodramatic, and strange, all the while thinking he was charming and interesting. Perhaps not saying that out loud is one of the reasons that caused people to now only be able to describe him as dead.Lance McClain kills himself, leaving Keith with unbearable guilt.





	

There was the sound of sirens outside his window, and of course Keith payed no mind to them. There's always something going on in the world, and it's not really his problem, right? And so Keith closed his eyes once again, pulled his blanket over his head, and went to sleep.

But then he wakes up the next morning. He goes to school, and he sees many people crying, screaming, hugging. He notices some people aren't even at school. His friends are together, as they usually are in the morning before classes start. It's different now, though. Hunk and Pidge are sobbing, Allura's face is buried in Shiro's chest, Shay is holding onto her boyfriend's hand tightly, as if that hand is her lifeline. And there's someone missing. Someone with bright blue eyes and a goofy grin, someone who is usually jabbing playful insults and cracking jokes. Shiro looks at him, and he says nothing. Keith notices his eyes are red, too, and he knows there's something wrong; something definitely happened. He has a feeling the ambulance he heard last night was going for someone close to all of them. "What happened?" He asks first, voice low and cautious. They all look at him, and Pidge just wails even louder, wrapping their arms around Keith. He hugs them back albeit hesitantly. "Where's Lance? What's going on?"

"Keith... Lance is, uh..." Shiro bites his lip. Always the one to deliver the bad news. "Lance is... Dead. He killed himself last night."

Those words cause everyone to break even further, cause them to yell even louder. In that moment, Keith can't breathe. There was no way he could have been prepared to hear that. And there was no way he could believe it either. "He isn't." He insists. His throat feels tight and his heart has fallen to his feet, all the while his stomach is tied into a million knots and his vision is blurred by tears. "There's-There's no way. He wouldn't..." Pidge's arms squeeze him tighter when they hear his voice crack. He's still a stone statue when they all wrap their arms around him, every single one of them with glistening tears running down their cheeks, every single one of them hurting and unable to do anything except try to hug together all the broken pieces. Keith can't move. Keith can feel nothing but the empty feeling in his gut, and a migraine he knows will remain for weeks, maybe even months. Maybe forever.

Lance McClain is dead.

 

///

 

Keith leaves school early. He walks home and he cries, he screams. He punches walls and throws everything within his reach, and he wonders why he didn't notice something was wrong, why he didn't just chase that damn ambulance, why he had to be so afraid to press his own lips against his. He sits against a wall, head heavy in his hands, breath ragged.

He feels as if he's suffocating; like his head is being pushed under water. His chest aches, everything aches, and nothing will be able to help.

About a week later, he feels the same, if not even worse. He hasn't left his room for days, and hasn't been to school for even longer. He stays in bed, staring at a wall. Sometimes he'll cry, or sometimes he'll tend to his knife, cleaning it over and over even when it isn't in need of even a wipe, using it as a small distraction that would never succeed at making him better. Not like it used to.

And he would think.

He would think about ending his own life, he would think about Lance, and he would try to be mad at him for causing him to feel something as awful as this. But he couldn't.

Then he wakes up one morning, and he sees something.

He sees a bag. A vibrant blue backpack, torn up and covered with pins and stickers and names written with sharpies. He recognizes it as Lance's, and it's sitting right on his balcony, right by his window.

He rushes to the glass door and struggles to unlock it and slide it open, but when he does he snatches the bag right away, quickly unzipping it. Inside is an envelope. It's white, as envelopes usually are, and on it written in blue pen is Lance's handwriting. His breath catches in his throat, and there's a stabbing sensation at his stomach.

_Letter #1._

Keith furrows his brows. He unfolds the flap carefully, fingers shaking.

_Hey. The name's Lance_.

"Shit." He exhales, moving back inside to sit on his bed.

_If you're reading this you must already know me, right? Well, once upon a time, anyway. That's cool. But you should know that you didn't REALLY know me. If you had gotten to know me, maybe I would still be around... Maybe. But nobody did, so here we are! You might be wondering: "Why am I seeing this?" Well, mi amigo, I am going to tell you a bit about my life, and why it ended. What? Think I did it just because? Think I would leave you all wondering why? As much as I want to do that, I also think, "Hell no! They gotta know!" I want all of you to understand! I lived through things on my own. I'm not biting my tongue anymore_.

Keith sighs. He flips the paper over. Only a few words are written: _It won't be painless._

He grabs the bag again, unzips every damn cursed pouch and digs his hands around without a second thought, searching for something else. That couldn't be it. And yet he finds nothing.

He holds the envelope between his fingers, gazing down at it for a while before looking in it again, noticing another piece of paper. It's...a small map. And there's an image of him and a girl; Nyma, he believes. Just like Keith had thought, there's more, written on the other side of the picture.

_First off, lets take a little trip. Grab your bike, hop in a car, walk, whatever. Your destination is circled on this map. You should find some train tracks on a sort of bridge, and around it, trees. A forest. In that forest, hidden in tree with a large heart carved on it, there is a disc. Find it and play it._

Keith stands up straight and snatches his jacket off the floor, grabs his radio/disc player, not even bothering to put on his shoes before rushing outside.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm truly sorry. I started a little something called 13 Reasons Why and I was inspired.


End file.
